A Year Around the Sun…

“Go to AUSTIN, TEXAS,” my soul said… but where should I begin?

“That journal, Kendra. That journal right there. Write down your plans, and I’ll make the path straight,” -OG Yahweh by way of Proverbs 16:9

I obeyed, but I didn’t think He was going to make it happen so quickly. It was February 2019, the middle of the school year, and a job offer was on the table…. in Austin, Texas. The timing was bittersweet. My lease was up, most of my job duties were complete, that relationship had uprooted itself, and Spring was approaching- a season of “growth”.

BUT HOLD ON. LET ME OVERTHINK! LET ME OVERANALYZE! Let me refrain from believing that He really came through for ya girl! Things aligned TOO well. A temporary place to stay for free, a church that partnered with the school offering me the job, and a scenery that my soul yearned for. WHEW CHILE! Pack your things and go.

=SO I DID=

Newness met me! New opportunities, new community, new food, new trails (because I love getting outdoors), new lives to pour into, but the greatest of them all… NEW CHALLENGES. As a very driven girl, I’m always willing to face my challenges head on with style and grace. Yet, here I am a year later in a very vulnerable space admitting that change is good, but change is hard!

“CHANGE IS GOOD, BUT CHANGE IS HARD”

March 2019 I packed those boxes and stored them away temporarily. There was one box though, my comfort zone, that I carried around daily. It was safer with me, yet so restricting. There was a lot of work to do internally that my comfort zone would NEVAAA… allow me to do. Month 11 arrived, February 2020, and I had to finally put that comfort zone box down and unpack the contents. I was afraid to confront all that was inside, to the point it began to drain the life out of me! YA GIRL WAS TIRED! I stopped doing the things I found joy in, I isolated myself, I questioned my purpose, and I cried. UGLY CRIED while questioning God, “Why is life as I once knew it changing so drastically?”

The little girl in me needed to be attended to.

Little girl, It’s okay to not be okay.

Psalm 139:23 (KJV) Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts.
That’s vulnerability! Practice being vulnerable with God so that He can reveal your true condition. Comfort won’t lead you to the path of healing, but confronting your condition with the help of God will.

Little girl, questioning God with the intent to be attentive and take action is necessary.

James 1:5-6 (CEV) If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won’t correct you for asking. But when you ask for something, you must have faith and not doubt.
God finds joy in curiosity. You were once reprimanded for your curiosity but God values it, and He will respond. Be still, listen, believe, and take action; faith without works is dead.

Little girl, release the comfort of your last phase and learn the distinctions of the new one.

Isaiah 43:18-19 (GW) Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago. I am going to do something new. It is already happening. Don’t you recognize it? I will clear a way in the desert. I will make rivers on dry land.
Every good thing must end so a GREATER thing can begin. If you hold on to what was, you won’t recognize what’s ALREADY happening in the present. Stay present! There’s clarity to gain in this new phase… once you surrender the temporary safety of comfort.

Little girl, deciphering between what you want and what you deserve is mandatory

Psalms 23:1 (KJV) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
There’s a lot of noise in the world thirsty for your attention, but how is your soul? Your soul is parched? What you “want” will fill a temporary void. What you deserve is sustainable and will guide you through this journey.

Little girl, this is bigger than you.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (CEV) The Lord says, “My thoughts and my ways are not like yours. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts and my ways are higher than yours.”
Your greatest limitation is yourself, because you find comfort in your own ways and thoughts.. You’re going to get it wrong. So, lean in to God with an attitude of expectancy believing that His purpose is grand!

This year around the sun required MATURITY. Maturity to accept that I needed to attend to the little girl who deserved healing. I’ve come to learn that God didn’t bring me to Austin to JUST experience newness, but to meet “her.” She is fueled with curiosity, she’s slowly breaking through her shell of comfort, and she deserves what SHE NEEDS because her intentions are pure.

Wherever you are in this season, I pray you cultivate the curiosity to explore what the inner child in you may need. Be gentle with yourself, soften your stance, and surrender.

Keep going until it makes sense,

Kourageous Kendra