If you’ve been following me, you know this past year began my #30Journey. What I envisioned and what it revealed itself to be were completely different. I prayed for spiritual growth and fresh perspective, but I didn’t expect unforeseen attacks to be a part of the process. My mind, health, career, creativity, and relationships were in a chokehold; and I just wanted to breathe again!
=JOURNEY=
the passage or progress from one phase to another.
I UNDERESTIMATED THE JOURNEY, AND WHAT IT REPRESENTED…
Going on a journey isn’t necessarily about the plans you make, but about how you handle the unexpected. What will you do when things don’t go the way you hoped they would? How will you respond when you feel left out or misunderstood? These are just a couple of questions to consider. Nevertheless, along the way you’re guaranteed to learn patience, trust in self, and how much you really need genuine people.
This is where true transformation began for me.
God was transforming my thinking and way of being in a very uncomfortable way. I don’t really think I knew what I was asking for, but He definitely pressed GO! I was forced to shed old layers, SLOW DOWN, and let people in. Whew, the VULNERABILITY! Those of you reading who know me personally, understand why that one was such a struggle; I’m still trying to remove the cactus knob, lol!
Instead of allowing the circumstances to break me, I had to trust the Holy Spirit to guide me. As much as I wanted to figure things out on my own, revise the plan, and ultimately give up… God’s was like, “Nah, daughter… WE got things to do! You tried it your way… it’s My turn!”
So, I’ll be following His vision this time, remembering these truths along the way:
(Slideshow)
So, yeah… I woke up 31 today… staring purpose in the face! Saying to myself, “Kendra, you have to get on with pursuing your passions and purpose without fear or apprehension. You’re headed in a new direction, and God is ALWAYS working behind the scenes for YOU! Follow Him!”
Friend, let us travel lighter together by breaking free from the things that keep us from living fully!
“Welcome to the Thirty Club,” they said. I embraced this greeting with little hesitation and very high hopes; I was excited! I’d just spent the earlier part of the month completing my vision board and sharing my plans with Deja. The blueprint for the journey was sketched to perfection, and I was ready to manifest it ALL. Reading books that challenged me, paying down student debt, traveling to a Spanish speaking country, practicing vulnerability in relationships, exercising three days a week, and applying for doctoral school.
THAT GIRL IS GOAL-ORIENTED, HUH?
IS… but you know what I should’ve added to that vision board? A reminder to never fall victim to the comparison game! They say thirty is when a woman works adamantly to continue becoming the best version of herself. However, I’d like to add this: Becoming HER requires looking within; if she doesn’t, before long the surrounding noise will distract her from BECOMING!
=BECOMING=
What I’ve learned along this #30Journey is, comparison kills. It kills our hopes and dreams, self-esteem, motivation, and most of all forces us to forget how far we’ve come. Beloved (in my Iyanla voice), you’ve made some great gains along this journey. Don’t allow what you “THINK” others are doing convince you any different! They’re just sharing the glory, and not the entire story!!
As I Continue Becoming, I Remember These Four Things:
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Friend, remember this journey was prescribed specifically for you, and only YOU can handle the dosage. Get uncomfortable with that, no matter how good or bad it tastes!
“Go to AUSTIN, TEXAS,” my soul said… but where should I begin?
“That journal, Kendra. That journal right there. Write down your plans, and I’ll make the path straight,” -OG Yahweh by way of Proverbs 16:9
I obeyed, but I didn’t think He was going to make it happen so quickly. It was February 2019, the middle of the school year, and a job offer was on the table…. in Austin, Texas. The timing was bittersweet. My lease was up, most of my job duties were complete, that relationship had uprooted itself, and Spring was approaching- a season of “growth”.
BUT HOLD ON. LET ME OVERTHINK! LET ME OVERANALYZE! Let me refrain from believing that He really came through for ya girl! Things aligned TOO well. A temporary place to stay for free, a church that partnered with the school offering me the job, and a scenery that my soul yearned for. WHEW CHILE! Pack your things and go.
=SO I DID=
Newness met me! New opportunities, new community, new food, new trails (because I love getting outdoors), new lives to pour into, but the greatest of them all… NEW CHALLENGES. As a very driven girl, I’m always willing to face my challenges head on with style and grace. Yet, here I am a year later in a very vulnerable space admitting that change is good, but change is hard!
“CHANGE IS GOOD, BUT CHANGE IS HARD”
March 2019 I packed those boxes and stored them away temporarily. There was one box though, my comfort zone, that I carried around daily. It was safer with me, yet so restricting. There was a lot of work to do internally that my comfort zone would NEVAAA… allow me to do. Month 11 arrived, February 2020, and I had to finally put that comfort zone box down and unpack the contents. I was afraid to confront all that was inside, to the point it began to drain the life out of me! YA GIRL WAS TIRED! I stopped doing the things I found joy in, I isolated myself, I questioned my purpose, and I cried. UGLY CRIED while questioning God, “Why is life as I once knew it changing so drastically?”
The little girl in me needed to be attended to.
Little girl, God doesn’t change… you do.
Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Your routines, location, job/career, opportunities, and attitude change; but He remains the same. He loves you SO much that He is consistent in the pursuit of your heart! He is the loyal one!
Little girl, It’s okay to not be okay.
Psalm 139:23 (KJV) Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts. That’s vulnerability! Practice being vulnerable with God so that He can reveal your true condition. Comfort won’t lead you to the path of healing, but confronting your condition with the help of God will.
Little girl, questioning God with the intent to be attentive and take action is necessary.
James 1:5-6 (CEV) If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it willbe given to you. God is generous and won’t correct you for asking. But when you ask for something, you must have faith and not doubt. God finds joy in curiosity. You were once reprimanded for your curiosity but God values it, and He will respond. Be still, listen, believe, and take action; faith without works is dead.
Little girl, release the comfort of your last phase and learn the distinctions of the new one.
Isaiah 43:18-19 (GW) Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago. I am going to do something new. It is already happening. Don’t you recognize it? I will clear a way in the desert. I will make rivers on dry land. Every good thing must end so a GREATER thing can begin. If you hold on to what was, you won’t recognize what’s ALREADY happening in the present. Stay present! There’s clarity to gain in this new phase… once you surrender the temporary safety of comfort.
Little girl, deciphering between what you want and what you deserve is mandatory
Psalms 23:1 (KJV) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. There’s a lot of noise in the world thirsty for your attention, but how is your soul? Your soul is parched? What you “want” will fill a temporary void. What you deserve is sustainable and will guide you through this journey.
Little girl, this is bigger than you.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (CEV) The Lord says, “My thoughts and my ways are not likeyours. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts and my ways are higher than yours.” Your greatest limitation is yourself, because you find comfort in your own ways and thoughts.. You’re going to get it wrong. So, lean in to God with an attitude of expectancy believing that His purpose is grand!
This year around the sun required MATURITY. Maturity to accept that I needed to attend to the little girl who deserved healing. I’ve come to learn that God didn’t bring me to Austin to JUST experience newness, but to meet “her.” She is fueled with curiosity, she’s slowly breaking through her shell of comfort, and she deserves what SHE NEEDS because her intentions are pure.
Wherever you are in this season, I pray you cultivate the curiosity to explore what the inner child in you may need. Be gentle with yourself, soften your stance, and surrender.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
It has been almost three years since I took some time to not only invest in myself, but invest in others on this type of platform. “Creating afraid” seems like the opposite of what God would want me to do, but the truth remains that I CANNOT shake that fear; but I’m going to create anyway! So, welcome to this space where I invite you to allow my experiences to encourage you to live courageously. If I have learned anything over these past few years, it would be to take risks; DIVE INTO THE UNKNOWN.
Diving into the unknown presents very real dangers, in contrast, there are mostly rewards.
Jennie Allen
So this is for you… for me… & I hope you take the time to meet me here monthly.
kourageouskendra.com 